


Of Goats and Men

by ourgirlfriday



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Corgis, Erik does not get the hint, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, F/F, M/M, Sheep & Goats, potentially inaccurate farming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourgirlfriday/pseuds/ourgirlfriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik has a small farm and a massive infatuation on the local vet, Charles Xavier.  His goats have Opinions about this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Man

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to **kageillusionz** and **LadyFayte** for the quick beta! Any remaining mistakes are my own. Also, I took great liberties with goats and farming.

Erik didn’t hear the car at first, as it pulled up his long driveway. He didn’t know how close it might have come before he realized he had company had Mystique not barked her tentative welcome and ran to the fence, jumping as high as her stubby legs would take her. 

“It’s okay, girl,” he soothed as he stretched. The popping of bones was always grimly satisfying, and it didn’t hurt to put himself on his best display as Xavier parked the car. He grabbed his discarded shirt to mop up the sweat on his brow before sauntering up to the fence.

“’Lo, Erik!” Charles bounded up the last of the drive to the gate separating them, reaching down to give Mystique a friendly pat. He sometimes reminded Erik of his work corgi Mystique rather than the venerated local veterinarian. But he couldn’t keep a smile from breaking on his face at the sight of Charles, beaming and flushed, as if there was no place he’d rather be than on the old Lehnsherr farm doing his biweekly check on Erik’s goats. 

“You don’t have to drive out all this way,” Erik chided. “No changes since Tuesday, after all.”  
Charles flushed becomingly, and scratched the back of his head. 

“Yes, well. No harm in being thorough.” 

“I appreciate your dedication.” 

Mystique shot out of the garden when Erik opened the gate, running ahead to the goat pen. Charles slowed his walk until Erik caught up, but wouldn’t meet his eye. Erik had a moment of hope that Charles was distracted by his physique (finally. It was getting ridiculous, frankly, and he was getting the reputation for nude farming. Traffic had picked up on his road dramatically, and the goats were getting distracted), but quashed his growing hopes. It’d just be that much worse when they were dashed, if he let them grow. 

“The crops seem to be doing well,” Charles offered tentatively. For a rural veterinarian, he’d fully established early in his tenure that he knew nothing about the actual act of horticulture. 

“Well enough,” Erik said with a smile. He watched Xavier’s profile out of the corner of his eye, trailing the strong profile of his nose to frankly distracting lips. He wore a sweater, despite the heat of the day. Erik wanted to reach out and trail his hands over where it clung to lovely collarbones and highlighted surprisingly developed muscles. Erik couldn’t help but notice that Charles’s pants clung to him, hugging what had to be the best ass in the county. He struggled to keep his groan unvocalized when Charles stopped in front of him and bent over to run his hand through the soil. 

“It seems good,” Charles muttered. “Ready for plowing.”

Erik shook his head at the other man’s foolishness. “Plowing isn’t for months yet, Charles.”

The vet stood up and bit his lip. At least he’d left his customary soda at home today – it was difficult thinking straight when Charles wrapped his lips around the straw and hollowed his cheeks, moaning in pleasure. He’d always maintain eye contact with Erik throughout, licking his lips indecently when he was finished. There likewise didn’t seem to be a sign of his customary popsicle, banana, corn dog, or, one time only, unsmoked cigar. 

“Yes, quite.” Charles seemed uncharacteristically frustrated. Would that he would let Erik hold him close and sooth away vexations, but it was not to be. 

“It’s quite warm today,” Charles blurted suddenly. “Would you mind if I took off my sweater?” Before Erik could offer to get him something more weather appropriate (and scold him for not consulting the forecast – clearly, Charles needed someone to look out for him. The thought of being that lucky someone tore at Erik’s gut) Charles pulled off the shirt and tossed it over the fence. Erik tried not to stare at the expanse of pale skin marked by freckles. Charles stretched, flexing muscles. 

“You know, I’m still quite warm. I’m afraid I’ll need to remove these, too” Charles continued as he unbuckled his pants. 

“What are you doing,” Erik gasped as Charles stepped out of work boots to remove his jeans. 

“I would have thought that would be obvious, Erik.” Charles said, voice clipped. 

Good lord, the man was commando. 

“I’m sorry to be so blunt,” Charles continued, “but I think it’s time we get things out in the open. Do you want to fuck me or not?”

“What?” Erik choked, unable to tear his eyes off of Charles’s perfect cock. 

“We’ve been circling each other for ages. I’ve seen how you look at me, but you won’t react to any of my ‘take me now’ signs. Do you know how many bananas I’ve eaten for the cause? I hate bananas.”

“What?” Erik repeated. He cursed himself inwardly. He could swear he used to be smarter than this. Although to be fair, he’d never been confronted with a nude Charles Xavier before. Allowances should be made. 

“Am I imagining this? Oh god,” he said, blanching. “I am, aren’t I? I’m so, so sorry, Mr. Lehnsherr,” he said as he started gathering his discarded clothing. 

“What?” Erik repeated, again. His brain, heart, and cock were all screaming at him to do something before Charles ran away into the afternoon, unaware that Erik was, in fact, fully ready and willing to fuck him into next week. And possibly tuck him into bed afterwards at a reasonable hour and make him breakfast in bed the next morning with toast cut into sickening heart shapes, if Charles would allow it. 

So he did what came naturally after a lifetime of wrangling goats. He tackled Charles to the ground. 

“Um.” Charles froze, tensed up like he expected to be hit. Erik’s stomach did something uncomfortable at the thought of Xavier in fear. 

“How long,” Erik rasped into Charles’s neck. His own cock lined up against the seam of Charles’s ass, and it took more willpower than he knew he had to refrain from thrusting.

“The first time I saw you and your damned sheep.” Erik groaned in embarrassment. Shaw had caused a ruckus that day, kicking Xavier several times and drawing no small amount of blood. 

“Same for me,” Erik muttered as Charles melted underneath him with a small exhale.   
“I thought you weren’t interested,” Erik continued. “You could have anyone.”

Charles rolled his eyes as he struggled to turn around underneath him. Erik helpfully rolled off him and pulled Xavier to his feet. 

“Me? You’re the one voted ‘Number One Wet Dream Fodder’ seven years in a row. And I don’t want anyone. I want you. How didn’t you notice?”

In retrospect, it was a good question. Erik distracted Charles by leaning in for a kiss. Charles threaded his fingers through Erik’s hair and corrected the angle, and Erik couldn’t suppress his groan even if he’d wanted to. Just the feeling of Charles’s free hand running up and down his spine was unbearably erotic. He forced himself to pull away, trying not to feel unduly proud when Charles whined and chased his lips. 

“Bed,” he suggested, voice husky and low.

“Too far,” Charles responded, pushing and prodding him to the barn and wrestling onto a pile of hay. 

“A roll in the hay, huh?” Erik asked with a smirk and roll of his hips. Charles swore as he attacked the buttons of Erik’s fly and struggled to pull jeans and boxers down while running his lips and tongue over Erik’s chest. 

“Shut up,” Charles breathed as he eyed Erik’s cock, already erect. Erik’s cries disturbed the barn cats as Charles bent down and deftly ran his tongue around the tip. 

“Fuck me,” he heard himself moan. Charles stilled and for a moment Erik feared he had crossed some sort of line, but when Charles pulled off and said ‘Yes, yes I can do that, yes,” he relaxed into the scratchy hay. They’d be marked up for days, and would need a good shower or two later, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as Charles, hard and eager, filled his vision. He spread his legs and groaned again when Charles lowered himself to cover Erik fully.

“Do you have anything?” Erik gasped, running hands over the strong plane of shoulder and back, urging Charles’s almost too gentle thrusts. He could come from the luxury of that alone. He ran his hands over Charles more firmly when the man stopped his lovely ministrations. 

“Fuck,” Charles said, sounding gutted. Erik had to forcibly stop the fool from rolling off him. 

“Hey, don’t you go anywhere.” Without waiting for Charles’s input he wrapped a hand around them both, took a moment to just appreciate the feeling of Charles’s hot and heavy cock in his hand and so fully against his own. 

“Fuck,” Charles hissed again, though Erik felt it was for a much different reason this time, if the way he stuttered his hips was to be trusted. 

Slow, he thought to himself. This wasn’t something to be rushed and gotten over. He wanted to draw this out, for forever if possible, categorize every reaction and gasp, the feel of them together, the scent of their skin mingling with hay and earth. He pulled his hand off and didn’t smile at Charles’s whine, but only just barely. 

“Patience,” Erik murmured against the pale column of Charles’s neck before giving in to the temptation to bite. The sound Charles made in response would easily go down as the best reward Erik had ever received. 

“Oh fuck patience,” Charles all but snarled as he grabbed Erik’s wrists and pinned them to the makeshift bed and began rutting against Erik in earnest. He couldn’t suppress a groan himself, the heat between them building to a breaking point. Charles was all around him, pressing down and filling all his senses and he couldn’t hold out not after waiting for this forever and it was so _good_.

The sound Charles made when Erik came was almost enough to spur Erik on again. Instead he lay, boneless, enjoying the hazy pleasure and the feel of Charles moving against him. He stroked his foot against a muscular calf and whispered encouragement and sappy declarations and tried not to tell himself that the latter was what pushed Charles over the edge. 

“Mmmmm.” Charles hummed as he gathered Erik in his arms.

“Mmhmm,” Erik agreed. They should move. There was no telling what was in the hay, after all, and the goats were making scandalized bleats in the background. Hank was barking at Mystique from the farmhouse. And it’d be a bitch to clean all the hay off.

“Stop thinking,” Charles muttered.

“Really? This coming from you?” Charles glared at him. It was not adorable in any way shape or form.

Well, maybe a little. 

“Shower?” 

“Hmmmmmyes,” Charles yawned. “Dinner later? I’ll buy.” Hope shone clearly from Charles’s eyes and that somehow was what finally caused the penny to drop that maybe Charles wanted the same things he did.

“Sure,” he said. He’d not felt so giddy since childhood, if even then. The future spread out in front of them, exciting and full. “I’d like that.”


	2. Goat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goat, Corgi, and Sheep POV

“Oh god,” Emma snorted from her position by the fence. “He’s taking off his top fur again.” Darwin and Alex sauntered over to look at their strange keeper. By now the novelty of the human stripping down to his strange furless skin had worn off, but there was only so much to do in a pen, and it certainly beat listening to Shaw the sheep. 

“The vet must be coming soon,” Darwin mumbled. Emma narrowed her eyes until rectangular pupils were all that showed. 

“Of course the vet is coming. He always comes. He doesn’t even pet us anymore.”

“Do you think the keeper will get it soon?” Alex asked. It had been amusing, at first, watching the strange human mating ritual, but honestly at this point it was getting painful. 

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t just urinate on the keeper. That always works. It even worked for Emma!” Sean chirped. Moira rolled her eyes nearby, which was frankly an impressive feat for a goat.

“It wasn’t only the urine, Sean.” Moira chided. “It just sweetened the deal.” She trotted up to Emma at the fence and butted her shoulder affectionately. 

“He’s coming!” Mystique barked in excitement. While the goats were content to watch the tragic romance of The Keeper and The Vet unfold, Mystique had decided it was up to her to bring the two together. Hank, the large newfoundland the Keeper had brought home three years ago near the beginning of the vet’s tenure, had eschewed the entire thing, muttering that it would end in tears.

“Excellent! Now, my friends, is the time to band together! We can overthrow the humans and start a new chapter of ungulate rule!” Shaw the sheep trotted near the fence separating him from the goats excitedly, not minding that no one paid him any mind. Watching the Vet bat his eyelashes at the Keeper as the two approached the pen was much more interesting. 

“Oh my god, he’s not even playing coy,” Darwin muttered as the Vet bent over, exposing his rump to the Keeper. There was a collective inhale from the gathered animals. Surely the Keeper would get his shit together now.

“My god, man! Take him!” Moira shouted.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod” Mystique barked, running in circles near the gate. 

“Rise up my quadraped brothers and sisters! Crush the humans where they stand!” Shaw bleated.

“No, no no! Don’t let him walk away. Are you even trying!” Alex called as the Vet stood up and started walking again. “Jesus, do _I_ have to pee on him?”

Mystique wailed in only the way a heartbroken, disappointed corgi could. “Why are you so terrible at this, human? Hump his goddamn leg! It’s not that difficult!” 

Everyone bleated (or barked, in Mystique’s case) in sorrow. Their Keeper looked greatly distressed but the assembled menagerie had long, long, _long_ ago decided it was his own. damn. fault.

“Wait,” Darwin called. The Vet was removing his top fur, exposing strange furless skin. “Hot damn, don’t fuck this up Keeper.” The assembled goats catcalled further when the Vet shucked off his lower fur, exposing what they assumed had to be a decent view, judging by the Keeper’s face. Though it was hard to tell, humans being as strange as they were. 

“Even you can’t fuck up now,” Alex bleated encouragingly. 

“You jinxed it,” Emma, Moira, and Sean shouted in unison as the Vet turned red and went to gather his outer furs. 

“I swear to god, keeper, I am peeing on all your shoes,” vowed Mystique.

“Wait,” Emma ordered as their Keeper tackled the vet to the ground. She let off a peal of laughter at their strange ‘oof’ noises. 

“I don’t even know what to think about this,” Darwin muttered to Alex as the other headbutted the fence in frustration. 

“Where are they going?” Sean sounded worried, and it was soon clear why as the humans stumbled over to the hay, pushing and prodding and making strange undignified noises. 

“Guys?” Moira tried to get their attention, but the Keeper was distracted by the Vet’s pawing and lower fur removal. “Guys, we _eat_ that. Stop? Please?”

“Oh god, oh god what are they doing to our lunch?” Emma hissed. “Humans are so gross.” 

“Exactly! Join me, my brothers! Join and fight human tyranny!”

“Oh shut up, Shaw. No one likes you.” Moira said, looking at the humans with a mixture of disgust and amusement. Emma pulled a shoe under the fence and started chewing. It served the humans right, after all.


End file.
